A Troubling Conversation With God

I've been troubled lately by something rather odd—terms of heartfelt concern and support. When someone suffers a loss, almost all are quick to say, "I'm very sorry for you. Know that you're in my heart and prayers," or, "I'm praying to God that he will give you the comfort you need." And, because I'm a Christian, I understand where these condolences come from and am tempted to say them, too.

But these words also hurt.

These words hurt because they only acknowledge a faith where God is not questioned. They don't seek answers, only comfort and restoration. But we're human, right? We also desire some type of answer, some type of, "Why the hell did this happen, God?" But we can't ask that, right? That's irreverent! Wrong. It's not irreverent. It's real. It's a difficult and troubling conversation with a God who sometimes seems very distant. Psalm 88 says it like this:

But I, O LORD, cry out to you;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
O LORD, why do you cast me off?
Why do you hide your face from me?
I suffer your terrors; I am desperate.

Let me tell you this: God welcomes our questions. It's okay to admit that life sucks sometimes and that there are simply no answers. And while we all need glimpses of hope, sometimes those glimpses come too soon and they simply don't help.

It's hard to be a person of faith when life deals you a bad hand. It's hard to see God working together all things for good when you're in the middle of a tragedy. Maybe it's best in these times to simply say, "I hurt for you," rather than, "I'm praying that God will help you through this." Even if we hope that God will make sense out of the senseless, maybe it's not best to say that. It might be too much for a person to bear. I'm not sure why these condolences bother me the way they do—I haven't suffered a tragic loss recently. Maybe these condolences bother me because I deeply hurt for those who are suffering. Maybe it's because I hate sorrow and tragedy. Maybe it's really because I personally don't know how to see God in times of dire despair.

I'll close with a quote from Dr. Marti Steussy, my current Old Testament professor at Christian Theological Seminary. She said:

Faith is staying in conversation with God; it's not always saying the right or proper things.

This is my conversation.